The Great Experiment

I love listening to Drex in the morning on KISS-FM.  It makes the crawl down Lake Shore Drive a bit more bearable.  My favorite calls are from the girls who claim they have experimented with lesbianism.

Experimented with lesbianism?  What does that mean exactly?  According to my of the 7^th grade science fair memory, could the following be an interpretation of the great lesbian experiment?

STEP 1: State the question to be solved

Here goes! Am I a lesbian?

STEP 2: Formulate the hypothesis (typically illustrated with an if/then statement)

Um…IF I’m a lesbian THEN…hell I don’t know THEN..

STEP 3: Develop a controlled environment (this is when you regulate all factors that could possibly influence or change the outcome of your experiment, leaving uncontrolled ONLY the thing to be tested.)

Three martinis ought to do it! Bartender

STEP 4: A controlled experiment must be set up once the variable is defined

I guess that means I have to experiment with a REAL lesbian and a FAKE lesbian. 

STEP 5: All materials and equipment must be gathered and all raw materials weighed in metric units

Sounds kinky. Cool.

STEP 6: A data collection chart and/or daily log must be created to record observations and material data

Is anyone else imagining a You Tube hit?

And finally the last step!

STEP 7: The validity of your results will be affected if you do not have enough test subjects.

I always thought that damn Tootie Pop Owl was being dirty in those commercials!

In conclusion, it is the opinion of this poster (who, incidentally is a real lesbian) that girls who use the term “experiment” when discussing any instances when they shacked up with a girl must come with proof of at least one pair of well worn Birkenstocks, membership to one or more softball teams, and a title to a Subaru!